4NAIJA: 8 Steps For Getting Over A Breakup

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Tuesday, 28 July 2015

8 Steps For Getting Over A Breakup

Finding love and then losing it can be a pretty devastating experience and it takes time to heal, especially if you have been with this person for a longer period of time. But dealing with a breakp does not have to be a negative experience.

Although it might feel like the end of the world, but with the right steps and attitude, you can learn to let go and move on. There is absolutely something/someone better for you out there.

Step 1- Accept it’s over: It is very common for people going through a breakup to feel some kind of denial. But until you have accepted the end of your relationship, you will be unable to begin to heal. So, do whatever it takes for you to convince yourself it is truly over, have one last conversation with him/her, make a list of things you do not like about the relationship, remember all the hurt you felt while with the person, whatever you do, make sure you give yourself some form of closure and accept the end of your romantic partnership.

Step 2- Cut all contact: After you have accepted the end of the relationship, it is time to cut all contact with the person. Under no circmstances should you give in to the urge to call, text, or stalk your ex online. This will only hinder your progress and keep you holding on to false hope.

Of course, this is easier said than done, but after some time, the urge to stay in touch would die down and you would feel more comfortable keeping your distance. Contacting them, or pretending you can be friends, is a completely terrible idea during the first weeks or months of the breakup. Even if there is friendship in your future, you still need time to deal with the end of the relationship first.

Step 3- Embrace the feelings: This is the part where you give in to the sadness and grief that comes with ending a relationship. Whether it ended well or badly, whether or not it was you who initiated the breakup, you still need to feel your feelings.

Do not try to bury them by jumping into bed with someone else or replacing your love for them with alcohol or other vices. You would only get a temporary relief and the pain will come back worse than ever.

Step 4- Reflect on Your relationship: At this time, you should reflect on the relationship. Think about where you both went wrong and things that might have been done differently. Think about the good, the bad and other aspect of your union. Understanding how everything went wrong would help you avoid the same fate in future relationships.

Step 5- Enjoy time alone: Now is the time to enjoy your alone time. Do things you love doing. Sometimes, when you are in a relationship, you give up some parts of yourself for the person you are with. Perhaps you normally spend your weekends with your friends before meeting your ex, and while dating, you spent your weekend with him/her. The up side of breakup is that you get your time to yourself and embrace your new freedom.

Step 6- Distract yourself: Part of rediscovering yourself is to do things that distract you from thinking about your failed relationship. Get a hobby, if you do not already have one, reconnect with friends and family, and do things that keep you busy while also making you feel better.

Step 7- Date casually: You need to be careful when getting back to the dating scene after a breakup. When you feel ready, you can go on a few casual date and hang out with some people. Enjoy the company of the opposite sex while making sure you do not put too much pressure on the person or yourself.

Step 8- Find love again: Eventually, after a few casual dates and spent time rediscovering yourself, you will find another special someone you would want to build a relationship with. Make sure you keep in mind all the things you did wrong in previous relationship and try not to repeat them with this one.

If you were hurt in the past, try not bring the distrust and emotional baggage into the relationship you are building. If you still feel hurt and bitter, then this is not the right time to give your heart to someone as this would only end in another bad breakup. Take your time, take things slow and let go of the past.

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